Every quarter, I have a chance to get together with some colleagues as we converge from all across Canada to meet to provide a suite of services for a large client. In doing so, there are times when we can chat and catch up, in between 1:1 client meetings. During one such time, we started to chat about relationships and how things were going and just generally what was going on in our lives. She is recently divorced (three years ago), but is now in a stable relationship. Me? Well, not so much. Upon learning this, that is when she said out loud, she was going to put her coaching hat on and we were going to talk about this. And we did. Oh my, did we!
Point of clarification. She is an amazing executive and life coach. Works with both executives and high performance athletes and has quite a following. So I knew this was going to be good. And it didn’t disappoint! We chatted about my experience, my desires for what a relationship would look like and who that would be with. Long story short, after a few lengthy chats, she was able to help me to get to what some of the blocks were. Several “A Hah” moments for me.
One thing that she had me do was write out all the things that I was looking for in both a relationship and a partner. Everything. The smallest thing, didn’t matter, write it down. Just make list and keep going. Then but a star beside everything that I considered to be a “deal breaker”. Well…that turned out to be quite the list! Within 10 minutes, I had a full page. Over the course of the day, I would add to it as something else popped into my furry little brain.
Later in the evening, we had yet another opportunity to sit down for a couple of hours, and we reviewed my list up to that point. It was amazing the clarity that entire exercise brought to the discussion. She pushed back on a few things to force me to clarify what a certain word meant. What meaning was I attaching to that for myself? The entire process forced me to be very granular! It also helped me to understand why I hadn’t found anyone as of yet. I haven’t found the right person… yet.
And it’s not that the list is so exhaustive that there is no way anyone would meet all the criteria. It’s that there are certain things that are “a must have”. Many, many more are “nice to have”, but not mission critical. The “must have” are deal breakers. I haven’t met that person yet. She was quite impressed that I had finally gotten to the stage of truly believing that I am worth it, and not to compromise on some things that are very fundamental to me.
For now, I am happy with my life and while I would like to be in a stable relationship, I’m okay with being on my own. For now. Not sure if that will change. But right now, I am in a really good place. I am content. My happiness isn’t completely predicated upon being with someone else. Will that change in the future? Maybe. Who knows. Only time will tell. At least for now, though, I have a much better understanding of what was going on in my head and a greater sense clarity. Amazing what a couple of $K worth of coaching can do, especially when it’s free!! ha ha. She is such an awesome friend!