I have to admit, right up front, that I have had a really good summer, all things considered. I mean, I’m on my own, alone. My girls are a 2.5 hour drive away which isn’t terrible in and of itself, but they have their own lives now and busy. So I didn’t see them at all this summer. That super sucked. And not being in a relationship or having that special someone in my life, I am quite on my own. However, the saving grace was my summer retreat. I made the decision, as you may recall, to get back into boating now that I no longer had to deal with the disapproval of my now ex-wife. Because I love boating. And that, my friends, was my saving grace. On of the best decisions I made. Though small, one of the smallest in the marina, my little puppy is perfect for me and easy to live on for long periods of time.
The best thing about it all though, is the people that I met. I have a made a bunch of new acquantiances, and a few really good friends. People that know about me, get it and appreciate who I am for me. I am truly thankful they are in my life. They made this summer an amazing time in, what is now, my new life. Especially when compared to last summer, which, while it was my first summer as my authentic self and was extremely liberating, was very, very lonely. This summer was anything but that. But there’s a rub. There is always a rub.
I’m busy. We are all busy with our lives. Nothing new. I’m also dealing with settling into my new life as me. That is an ongoing process. Probably will be for a while yet. Who knows? I don’t. So I’m just plodding along with that. Then l’m dealing with being alone and on my own and what that means. Trying not to think about the future in this regard is tough, at least for me. I don’t really do well with uncertainty. I’m getting better at it. One of the things I need to work on, is getting better at going with the flow. Anywho, all of this is quite enough, thank you. But wait, there’s more. There are other things to deal with in my world that is, really, more small “p” political than anything else.
Every community has its own little dynamic, and mine is no different. For me, here, it’s about being a single woman, older woman, owning and captain of her own boat. And one that actual takes her boat out on her own, cruises, docks etc. So there is a little under current about that. Not sure if other people think it’s weird but there is something there. Then there is the whole being single thing as well. All the boats are pretty much couples. So I am the “odd” person out (probably in more ways than one!!). Not sure if it makes people uncomfortable, but it does some, not all, but some. And it’s not really overt, no, everyone is nice enough and polite, but there is, once again, something very subtle going on. I suspect it is unconscious on their part, but I see it. Intentionally or not, it does impact me. Not sure why I let it, but then again, I only have so much energy to deal with so much stuff.
Then you layer on top of that, everything else I have going on in my life as I mentioned at the beginning, and sometimes, not always, but sometimes, it gets to be a bit much. But that is where my good friends take over. I can wander down to anyone of their boats and everything is fine. I can relax and be, well, me. No apologies, explanations, etc. And that is what I have gained this summer. Some great new friends. You never know when or where you are going to meet such people. Be ready to accept them when they do show up. You may not get another chance. And that’s what thing I have been really trying to do, put myself out there more. Taking more risks with people. What a lot of people would call “outgoing”, which I am not, at least I haven’t been in the past. But when you start to not only love yourself, but like yourself, for the first time, it is much easier. I am more comfortable in just being me and if people don’t like it? Well, that’s their issue, not mine. I know I’m not perfect, that’s for damn sure. But I am who I am.
And I like it.