July 31, 2015

Well, had two more conversations with friends, two couples actually, and told them all about me. Response was amazing!! One couple are neighbours, living five houses from me, and the other was my Chief Dive Instructor and his wife, whom I have known for years and dive with alot – obviously.

 

My neighbours are totally plugged in. They asked what I wanted/needed from them and how they could help. They assured me that the rest of the “gang” would be fine and equally as supportive. He offered to mow my lawn, look after my yard and shovel snow etc for free. He retired early and is looking for things to fill his day and loves to be outdoors and would be thrilled if I would let him do that. That may seem like a small thing, but the money that saves from having to pay groundskeeping company would certainly help towards my “surgery fund”.

 

My other friends were equally as supportive. They said that I was welcome in their home anytime as Erin and that if there were times when I was feeling down or a little lonely I should drop into their place. Also, she is a nurse by training, though in administration now, but offered to help me with aftercare when it came time for surgery, etc. As for the dive team, he was sure that it would be fine, but he would certainly intervene if something did go sideways and would set the expectations with the rest of the crew ahead of time. He is fine with me go to “inactive status” should it be necessary to give me a chance to adjust to changes in my body. So, it was all good.

 

Both conversations lasted for about 2 hours – which I am finding to be the typical length for such chats. My neighbours are engaging me more now and we are interacting more often. She even has me on the list for the next GNO with the gang!!

 

So, more positive reactions, more support and better friendships. It’s all good!

 

 

July 30, 2015

Had coffee with a colleague from work yesterday. He’s ftm and I have known him for about 15 or more years. Has been a great source of support and information and I really appreciate his friendship and counsel. Anywho, we have chatted in a month, so a lot to catch up. Long story short, there has been a new hire in his department, an mtf that transition about 6 years ago. So he tells her about me, thinking it would be a good idea to meet and she was totally up for that. So, she starts next month and we are going to get together, the 3 of us for drinks after work one day. I am very much looking forward to that.

 

The other thing that came out of the conversation is that I have been asked to be part of committee that is forming to create a fund that will be made available to assist those that require financial assistance to get to appointments with specialists etc in cities such as Toronto or Ottawa, who don’t have the funds for travel. We were sitting in one of our coffee shops, when our Human Rights Officer spotted us and came over to ask me. The fund won’t cover treatment, but will pay to get people to the appointments and accommodation if they have to stay over night etc. My organization has provided the funds, now, we need to create the “terms of reference” and the application process and then the decision making as to how it is decided who gets how much etc. That will be the job of this “oversight” committee. So, I am happy to be a part of that. It is about time that I start to pay back, and in some instances, pay it forward.

 

 

July 28, 2015

My monthly visit to my athletic therapist today turned out to be more about providing relief to my soul than my body, though she did work wonders on my shoulders and neck!! No, our conversation was more about how I was doing mentally and emotionally. She knows all about Erin. Has briefed her staff and everyone is on board. It is a now even more relaxing to go there. The one thing that she really wants me to do now, is no more coming as male me. She only wants to see Erin. She said the stress of not being Erin is wreaking havoc on my system. So, the best thing is for me to reduce that stress and be Erin. It is amazing how intuitive she is. She really does understand people really well. She has helped not only me, but my daughters as well. She chats with them about me and how they are dealing with it, and listens and provides some insights that are always helpful. All the while, working on our physical ailments. She is truly a remarkable friend and we all love her dearly!

 

The other thing that she chatted with me about was my fear of being alone, without a partner. She immediately called Bullsh!t on that idea. She said that I am a remarkable person and there is a HUGE lesbian community in my town including women of my age. There are three couples alone on her street. (I need to move to her street apparently!!). She knows tons, so she told me not to worry. When the time comes, there will be someone out there for me. Now, that being said, it is one thing for a CISwoman to find a woman partner, totally another for a trans woman. But my plan was not to do so until after surgery, so may have a better shot???? Not sure, but hoping.

 

Anyway, she did wonders for my mental state. And my neck and shoulders are feeling the best they have in weeks! So, I guess I got a “two-fer” !!

 

July 27, 2015

Not having a great day today. Have had a migraine for two days. They have been jackhammering the sidewalk outside my house since 7:00 a.m. this morning, which really just mirrors the feeling in my head, I and woke up feeling, well, quite sad…I guess that is the best word to describe it. For some reason, and I think due to a dream I had, I am feeling very alone. I mean, I have a great support system, medically and mentally, that is no problem. Great support from my daughters and my family and have a few really great friends that know about Erin that I lean on regularly via email, text and telephone chats. I am busy trying to keep a bunch of balls in the air due to various work and volunteer responsibilities, looking after my girls, looking after my elderly dog, looking after my family (who live time zones away) and yes, I am looking after myself. But who looks after me at the end of the day? Who is there to hold my hand my hand or give me a hug if I am having a rough day…..??

 

That is something I am going to have to get used to I guess. I anticipate being alone for a very long time. So I guess I just have to put on my big girl panties and suck it up. And I will be fine….but today is just one of those days….. Sigh…..

 

July 23, 2015

Ever have one of those days? A day where you just want to pull the covers over your head and not get out of bed? A day when you wish the world would go away and you could just….well….be? I am having one of those days today. Feeling totally overwhelmed. And, surprisingly, not with GD or TS “stuff”. Nope, just regular life stuff. So, some context. I am supposed to be on holidays. But it seems everyday there has been an issue in one of my areas of responsibility that pops up, interrupting my “leisure” time. So today was just such a day. I needed to get some minor maintenance done on my car, nothing major, so no big deal. So, take my car to the dealership, and walk home. My choice. No time to go for a run today, so I thought I would get some exercise. 15 minute walk, easy peasy. Get home and get ready to head off to a meeting in a nearby city (30 minute drive away) for noon. So the meeting was to negotiate the final details for the head of an organization I volunteer for. I am Chair of the Board of Governors. As such, the Head of the institution reports to me. So up to me to negotiate his contract renewal. So, got that all done. Then, as Chair, I also have signing authority for cheques over a certain amount, and given that we are in the midst of a $1 million construction job, I am overseeing a lot of what is going on. So that took some time.

 

Then, have to barrel back home to get the dealership to pick up my daughters new car for her, as she is out of town and will only be here on the weekend when the dealership is closed. So get that done, sorta. Get to the dealership to find there was an issue in registering the car in my daughters name as there were a few outstanding parking tickets. So, I had to figure that out, which we did. So, have the keys and the paper work but no registration. So have to go back to the dealership this evening to pick up the car and the registration. But the courtesy shuttle service ends before they will be able to get the registration, so will have to cab it to the dealership.

 

In the meantime, I head home, drop off my other car, and walk to the dealership so I can pick up my other car, which is now ready to go. On the way, I have to stop at the vet, as they left a message stating they wanted to talk about some meds for my dog. Fortunately, it is right beside the car dealer. So, I do that. And finally, my dive club is running a scuba course and the instructor called me to help him out during the evenings and this weekend, which normally I would be happy to do, but I am on holidays, dammit! But there is no one else around, so guess what I get to do?

 

And to top it all off….I am doing alot of electro while I am off, so going 3 days a week, which essentially means that I am not shaving for pretty much most of this time. So essentially I look like hell…..enter…a bit of GD.

 

So, I am feeling bit overwhelmed. Mostly because I have to do this myself. No more counting on a partner (wife) to help out. And the unpaid parking ticket fines for my daughter are probably the result of her not getting her mail as my ex had the mail for both my kids redirected from my house (which was/is their permanent home), to her apartment for some bizarre reason, so my kids only get their mail when they either come home, or when my ex goes to see them in Toronto, which is once a month at best. So ya, I’m a little pissed right now as well.

 

Silver lining??? Tomorrow has got to be better !!!!

 

Thus endeth my whinning…..at least for today anyway…

 

July 21, 2015

Somewhat of a different thought tonight….I was watching the most recent episode of “Becoming Us” and it got me thinking and I ended up in a place I haven’t been in quite a while. A shadowy place, a quiet, desolate place. Thinking of what I would say in a letter to my kids about my life and how I got to where I am today. So here goes…version 1.0.

 

I knew that something wasn’t right with me when I was young and it really hit hard in my late teens. I have a history of being abandoned….by my parents, and in subsequent relationships, never really understanding why. But now, I think I do…..well, sorta. Being unhappy with yourself, really unhappy, makes it almost impossible for others to be happy around you. I was on my own since I was 17. Worked 40 hours a week to put myself through University. Had two serious long term relationships fail, as they left me. I was then searching for something, some one to cling to, to not be alone, swearing I would do whatever it took to make them happy and not abandon me this time. I was successful. And that lasted for 30 years.

 

But, as it turned out, I abandoned myself to keep that relationship going. All that time, I didn’t know who I was. My identity was defined as husband and father, but not a person. Even when I realized my true self 17 years ago, I knew I couldn’t let out the truth, as I knew the consequences of that. I refused to be abandoned again, so I shut the door, and in turn abandoned my true self, Erin. And I did make it work. Because I am not a quitter. I put myself through school. I raised a family, completed 2 more masters degrees while working full time with a wife and young family and kept everyone happy, except for me. I even managed to fool myself for quite a long time. I thought I was happy. You did make me happy and I used your strength to keep going. But, over time that wasn’t enough.

 

But I knew if the truth came out, I would be abandoned yet again. I couldn’t handle that, not again. Too many times, too much pain. So, the only way out, it appeared was to remove myself from the pain, from this world, this life, for one final time. Many times I contemplated the end. But something would always pull me back. Something buried deep in my soul would reach out and grab me just at the last minute. I have since realized it was, and still is, Erin. And once again, I show the world that I am not a quitter. I will complete this journey, I will be who I am meant to be. I will be happy, and have others in my life who are happy to be around me. All I want to do is live my true life, do my job, contribute, love and be loved. Is that too much to ask??

 

I did this painting 20 years ago, if not longer. Very basic, very plain, and not even really that good. But in its simplicity, it captured where I was at. Always looking in. Always feeling like I was on the outside. Never really a part of life. It was hanging in my bedroom. I would see it everyday. I don’t know why I put it there, but it was one of the few expressions of how I really felt that was accurate. It still hangs in my bedroom to this day, but only as a reminder of how far I have come and that I am a survivor. I am not a quitter. I don’t quit on tasks, I don’t quit on my kids, I don’t quite on my friends, and I am not going to quit on me.

 

I am now in a better place, a safe place, a happy place. I am, for the first time, who I am meant to be. I am at peace. I now love myself. And I love you. I will always be here for you and I am grateful everyday for your support.

 

I think that would be the gist of a letter I would write to my kids.

untitled

 

 

July 19, 2015

Had another great day with my daughter, who just left to drive back home…only a couple of hours, but still long enough after a busy day. We went shopping and she helped me pick out out a few outfits, a skirt, dress, some tops etc. What fun. We also went for a bit of drive in the early morning sun, top down, along the shore. It was totally awesome. And we had a really good talk. She told me that she finds me more relaxed, talkative, engaged, and just plain fun to be with. She really liked that. She also said that she finds it very natural to treat me as a woman and notices that when we are out, it just seems to be natural for me to be who I really am, a woman. It takes no effort at all. (She also said I have great legs, but I digress !! ) So, it was a great three days together.

 

We covered a lot of ground. We watched a few episodes of “Becoming Us” together and that started some really good conversations. We talked about how the family would handle future social events like their weddings etc as this was an issue in one of the episodes we watched. She told me that it is her day and it will be her way. I will be there and involved and everyone is going to have to put on their big girl panties and deal with it. She said she is not going to put up with any foolishness from anyone. So that was good to hear. ‘Cause as it stands now, her mother and her grand parents would really not want to have me anywhere near such an event. But my daughter got a bit angry stating that is just stupid and they are going to have to get over themselves. I know in my heart that she would definitely want me there and involved, but it was still good to hear it.

 

So, this visit was very uplifting for me….just what I needed right now. Time for another little happy dance!!!

 

July 18, 2015

Spent a great day with my daughter. Finished up car shopping, spent the afternoon at the waterfront at a patio bar for lunch and drinks. Just chillin’ and relaxing, talking about everything and nothing. A parent out with her daughter. It was a great and validating experience for me.! I know this is going to be a tough journey, and at times it will suck. But right here, right now….it is good.

 

Small steps……celebrate the small victories……

 

July 17, 2015

oldest daughter arrived last night and is staying with me for the weekend. Had a good day today. Out car shopping – she needs a new car. Then off to me electro appointment so she now knows everything she wants to know about electro!!?? Then quiet dinner and off to a movie for the evening. She helped my style my hair and flat ironed it for me and it looks great!! So a great start to the weekend!! Yippee !

 

July 14, 2015

Can’t believe it has been one year on this site. My, my, my, how things have changed. Never in a million years would I have guessed this time last year that I would be separated, officially diagnosed with GD, started HRT, have laser and electrolysis done and be full time everywhere except work. Add to that, out to all my family with stunning support (except my Ex – what a surprise) and all good at work with, again, amazing support. Add, just to top it all off, I had a celebratory manicure today. That was so much fun. The first of many, I’m sure. I feel better than I have in decades. And although I do spend alot of time by myself, I am comfortable, finally, in my own skin. I now see that I have a lot to live for and thankful for what I do have. Including so many friends from this site and a few who have become very close friends

 

So, upward and onward!!!

 

July 11, 2015

Had another good afternoon at our monthly support group meeting. More people there this time, both mtf and ftm. I brought another trans woman with me, someone who is just starting the journey, pre HRT, Pre laser, etc. It was good to see her get really comfortable and settle in so nicely. She really needed to find her tribe. She feels much better now, and not so alone.

 

I had a chance to catch up with a few people I met at the last meeting. One woman is going for SRS in October to the same clinic I am targeting. It will be good to get first hand information about he experience from someone I know. I told here I was going t pick her brain regarding her experience and she was more than happy to have those conversation.

 

Also had a great chat with a young man who is in university and just finishing up his masters thesis. He is very bright and really pleasant to talk to. It is great to see trans people who are transitioning when they are young, who have it all together and living a truly happy life. !!

 

So all in all…a good day.

 

July 10, 2015

Had a great chat with my oldest daughter last night. She is taking a few days off next week so will be coming home for an extra long weekend. She said she wants to spend the entire 4 days with me, at my house which is awesome. Given that my ex (her mother) is going to my daugher’s place this coming weekend, and taking both my girls to Boston in August, my daughter wants to have some time just with me this summer. Obviously, I am totally fine with it. But wanting to keep the family peace (and I appear to be the only one that does, as my ex doesn’t seem to care about ticking me off), I asked my daughter if her mom was okay with her being home and not seeing her at all. She said she mentioned it to her mother and she was fine with it. Then, wait for it….my ex reassured her several times that she could always sleep at her place if she needed to. My daughter, bless her heart, said no, I am staying with Dad. My daughter said that it all falls on deaf ears with her mom and my ex’s parents (my daughter’s grand parents). They are still trying to drag her over to “their way of thinking” and feeling that the need to protect her from the freak ogre that is their father. My daughter is getting really frustrated with it all and is very close to blowing a gasket with them. She tells me they just don’t get it. “They don’t understand that you are still my dad and I want to spend time with you and I am totally okay with Erin”.

 

So looking forward to a great long weekend next week! But…really….when does this nonsense stop???

 

July 9, 2015

Watched the lasted episode of “becoming us” last night. I think it is a pretty good show. But the episode last night did get me a bit riled up. Probably because it resonates with my situation a little bit and hit a bit too close to home. The way Susie (wife of Carly who is transitioning) and her sister were talking about Carly, making disparaging remarks about her, just shows how much they really don’t get it. They don’t get that this is not a choice. When they say that Carly is “being selfish”???? Really??? really….. wow. And how much Susie did not want Carly involved in her daughters wedding. Ugh. Now, that being said, I do get it….that their feelings are no less legitimate that Carly’s. But to make themselves (Susie and her sister) feel better, they do so by throwing Carly under the bus.

 

And that is what bothered me I guess. This is exactly what is happening with my ex and her family. In order to rationalize their feelings they are throwing me under the bus. They are trying to validate their feelings by trying to drag as many people into their camp as possible. And the more they learn of how supportive my family and friends and work is, the harder they are trying to drag people into their camp by running me down as an awful, ugly, ogre of a person, a freak as it were, who just decided to do this on a whim, as a free choice. And the frustrating thing is that they won’t accept sources of valid and authentic information and resources. So they continue to stew in their own juices.

 

My oldest daughter is strong enough to push back and tells them to stop or she will leave. That shuts them up pretty fast. But they still try to drag her in. My youngest isn’t as strong, but has a lot going on in her life right now, so they are being pretty gently with her…..for now.

 

As for the wedding talk, that is something that I have been thinking about. I know my in-laws and my ex would not want me involved at all if a wedding were to emerge in our family. Again, my oldest would tell them to stuff it, her day, and she will have me involved, so suck it up. But given this is not in the cards right now, it is a non issue and things may change over time, who knows.

 

And finally, there was talk of dating in the episode. That is something that I know will be difficult. Right now, I have no time to even think about that. I have way too much on my plate to contribute to a relationship. But I know that someday I will, and I am concerned about finding a woman at my age to have a long term permanent relationship with. Small city, not much of a lesbian demographic, at least, not in my age group.

 

So, it was just a lot to process……the whole show was a little too close for comfort….so it was a bit of a teary night. But back to reality, present day. Trying not to dwell too much on the future and what might be.

 

Back to one day at a time….

 

July 8, 2015

A great evening yesterday. Had coffee with another trans woman here in town. We have the same hair stylist and she has been trying to get us to link up for weeks. Well, we finally did last night at a starbucks. It was great. She is a very lovely person. She is a bit older than me….retired now, but worked for a school board. She started transitioning in 2003 and had SRS in 2006. So she has been full time for a long while now, relatively speaking. We chatted for about 2 hours, about nothing in particular, and everything in general. We shared stories of our lives and families and we talked a lot about her surgery. She had it done in Montreal and highly recommended that clinic. Which is good as that is where I am queued up to go.

 

She is divorced and since remarried to a wonderful gentleman and is happy as a clam living her authentic life. We also talked a lot about finding a partner. She is lucky. But she said that this town is a hard nut to crack for a trans woman, especially if you are looking for a lesbian partner….and that would be me. She said that on line dating sites for people around here were pretty useless, so she recommended expanding my search horizons to the big city. But that is a bit down the pipe. I have enough on my plate and not looking for any type of relationship right now. But in a couple of years, for sure. I anticipate that being by myself will get a bit depressing after a while. But I will deal with that when it comes.

 

The big thing for her last night was to make sure that I have lots of support throughout my journey. She was concerned for me about that. Once I told her about all the wonderful support of my kids, my family, my work and the medical team that is working with me, she was much happier. It was sweet that she was that concerned. She said I looked great and will do fine, and keep going out and about. Certainly no one is Starbucks gave us a second look.

 

So, it was really nice to link up with another woman, one with more experience than I and can help out with resources around here. And she is happy to answer any questions that I have, no issue is off the table. She is going on a holiday for the next couple weeks. They are big motor cyclists, so going for two week trek to South Dakota, so we will catch up when she is back.

 

Another resource/friendly face….yah!!

 

July 7, 2015

Yet another electro session last night….I love my electro tech…she is so awesome! She is so welcoming of me as who I really am, and provides some great “extra tips” and care. And, she is a blast. We have great conversations during the sessions. I am starting to see some pretty good progress. Almost all the dark hair is gone with the exception of a bit on my upper lip and chin (the really stubborn areas). We took a shot at them last night and it didn’t hurt anywhere near as much as laser in the those areas, so that was good. Also, took a shot at the digesting “ear hair” and that was fine as well. So we are going to spend 15 minutes each session on these areas to wrestle them to the ground. She also commented that my pores are starting to shrink in the areas that we have really hit, so that is good to hear. No major reaction to my skin at all and it feels wonderfully smooth ! YAH!!

 

Last night was the first time I was able to go there having not shaved for two days and no make up and feeling good about being out and about. It is now just grey hair that is there and from a distance they don’t show. Now, I wouldn’t want to go out for the evening looking like that but it was okay to go from the parking lot to her office.

 

Nice to see some good results….finally. This is really one of those areas where you have to have the patience of Job…..and that is something I really don’t have, so it is a challenge for me. but, things are moving along…..

And, yet another resource has been pointed in my direction. A friend of mine told me about a person here in town that is a personal stylist/personal shopper. She will come to your house, go through your closet and tell you what works for your colour and shape, and what doesn’t. She will also take you shopping to see what you like and what size you are etc. Then, and get this, every month, she will send you a box of clothes relevant to the season, that is your size and suits your colour and shape. You pick out what you like, send the rest back and she charges you only for what you keep.

 

Now, I may be a newbie, but I have never heard of that level of service!! I can only imagine that it is not cheap for her services, but if you don’t have time to shop, it is a great way to save time and money as everything is hand picked to work for you. So no more buying something that you thought would work only for it to sit in your closet ’cause you are not sure etc.

 

Kinda cool actually??

 

July 5, 2015

Happy accident yesterday. Ended coming out to a friend and colleague of mine at work. I have really been wanting to chat with him about me as I was 99.99% sure he would be fine with it. Well, yesterday it happened, but not planned in the least little bit. I was at work, and given it was the first really nice Saturday of the summer, and no one said they were planning to come in, I knew that there would be no one else there. I was not wrong. In our 200 space underground lot, my car was literally the only one there. So I parked in my usual spot, right be the elevator that goes up to our offices. When I was done what I wanted to do in my office, I went to my car to leave. I had just gotten in and closed the door when I heard another car coming. No problem I thought, I would just continue to leave and whoever it was wouldn’t care. Problem. I recognized the sound of the car. Crap!! I knew exactly who it was. My friend. And there was no way he wouldn’t see my car and know exactly whose it is. There are only 3 Porsches in our department and he and I have two of them. And there wasn’t time to get to the elevator. He pulled up in his spot beside mine. So I decided right then and there to just go for it. So I got out, greeted him and told him. We chatted for about 10 minutes, and all he could basically say was “awesome”. We then decided to go his office to continue our chat. Two hours later, we emerged and head back to the parking lot to go home. The entire time he was ridiculously supportive. I couldn’t have written a script for it to have gone any better. He had lots of questions, I gave him the best answers I could. He thought that it was a very strong and courageous thing to do and was very glad that I was transitioning as he didn’t want to think about the alternative. We joked a lot with each other, that is what we do. We both have the same slightly warped sense of humour. He told me that he has a nephew in Denmark that transitioned and a colleague at another company from way back that is about to start. The conversation was between two people, the same two people we always have been, just I was in a different wrapper and so much more happy!! He noticed that right away.

 

In the end, he gave me a big hug. We are good. Even before I made it to my house, he sent me an email saying it was so good to talk about this and glad that we did. I replied and thanked him for his candour and support and apologized that he didn’t get any work done that afternoon as we chatted the entire time. His response back was:

 

“I got lots of work done….you. You are a work in progress…” It’s all good.

 

So, I took a chance, mind you a calculated one, and I can cross one more person off my list.

 

It was a good day…

 

Postscript…..now before anyone launches off that it was risky to go into work as you never know who might show up, and subconsciously I am doing to get “caught”…save it. Don’t waste time going all Freud on me. Been there, done that. Move on….I have.

 

July 4, 2015

Today start taking full dose of T blockers. Dr wanted me to work my way up just to make sure I don’t have any issues, and if I do they can catch them early….so initially started at 50% of prescribed dosage, then went to 75% and with blood work looking good, up to 100% starting today. Another bloodiest in two weeks to check things. But so far so good and no side effects yet including no dizziness or leg cramps, so I am hopeful!!!

 

Yet another step…..left foot, right foot, repeat…..

 

July 1, 2015

A pretty good day to day, but not without its downs. Holiday in Canada, so slept in. First time I have had 9 hours sleep in months. Felt really good. Went to the office for a while. Got 3 hours or work done in half the time. It is amazing how much I can get done, how much better my concentration is when I am Erin. Can’t wait until I can do the full time….forever!

 

Then, off to a craft fair in one of our City Parks by the waterfront. Some great artisans there, with really pretty jewelry, clothing and works of art. But it was packed!! I strolled around for an hour and then decided it was time to head out. Looked like it was going to start to rain again, so I thought I would try to beat it and head back to the car. Just made it there in time and then it began to pour!!

 

Back home, watched a movie and just chilled. Then a bit to eat and decided to take a walk since the weather had cleared, before the sun went down. So, off I went, my headphones in and listening to one of my favourite podcasts. Half a block from my house, a woman was walking towards me with her dog, a cute little thing (the dog….jeez,… you guys ). She stopped me and said “excuse me, but I don’t mean to be rude…” and I thought, okay, here we go, just got clocked and she feels the need to really say something. She then proceeded to say that I should only have one ear bud in when I am out walking. She had just taken a self defence class for women and that was one of the tips that she got. So, she wanted to let me know. We chatted for about 5 minutes about the course. Then she was on her way. So it was very considerate of her to share that information with me. And, either she didn’t read me or she was too polite to say. But she didn’t seem like the type that was overly diplomatic are not speak her mind. So, I guess I passed in close quarters in a conversation. I did manage to keep my voice in fem mode as it was only 5 minutes ( I am working on my stamina).

 

So, thus endeth the day. And, what was the down part one asks? (bet you thought I forgot…??!!) It was at the arts fair. I just got this lonely feeling for a few minutes. Seeing all the families and couples there…no one by themselves like me….that, I must admit, was hard. But not enough to wreck the day and make me feel sad for the rest of the day. It just caught me off guard I guess.

 

Here’s to better days…..

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