I’m writing this as I sit on the train to Toronto to attend an event tomorrow for my youngest daughter. While this is a super exciting milestone for her, it is not without drama (see post about a week ago). For those of us who are or have transitioned, family can be a huge challenge. Sometimes amazing in their support and lovel and other times, maybe not so much. And that is the case for me.
I have always maintained that we do not transition in isolation. Everyone around us does as they try to work through what it means for them and their relationship. So I get that. I really do. But even when you aware of this and deal with it on an ongoing basis, it can still be a huge source of stress. Not just for the person transitioning, but for everyone around them. While I may have been intellectually able to process all of this, emotionally? Well, let’s just say there are challenges.
What I discovered a few days ago was that there are a few that are still having major difficulty with it all. Which I get. That is not the surprising part. But I wasn’t ready for what was turning out to be an issue. Maybe that’s not the proper phrase. More like it was completely unexpected. Mostly because I never even considered that this would be causing others in my family angst.
Happiness. That is the issue. The fact that I am so happy, even exuberant one might say, is a problem. While they are sad and hurt and confused and still trying to sort this all out, I’m just bopping around in my life. So happy to be who I really am that I appear so carefree and that is pissing some people off.
I’m not thinking about how they feel. Actually, that isn’t true. Not even remotely. I am constantly thinking of them. I guess I figured that if I was happy and chatty etc, it would lighten the mood a bit, maybe decrease the tension. Well, I was wrong. Big time!
So while I’m at the event tomorrow I am to be somewhat restrained. I am to be my happy self, just toned down a bit, mindful of how others are feeling as they continue to work their way through all of this. Maybe I didn’t see it at first, but holy, I totally get it now. It makes sense. I can imagine how that would piss me off, should someone have a total disregard for my feelings.
So, starting with the event tomorrow, I will be more mindful around others and considerate of their feelings and where they are in their own processes in working this out. No one has a manual, we are all trying to work this out as best we can. It just goes to show how important maintaining an open line of communication is. I can’t change things or address issue if I don’t know about them. We are not mind readers. So I’ve really got to work on making others feel they can tell me these things. And honestly, I’m good with that. They can tell me anyth my they want. Sure, I won’t lie. It might hurt initially, but I feel it is better for me to know than not. May not be the case for others, but I’m okay.