March 27, 2016

Just got back from what I can only describe as a “weekend retreat” at my dear friend Jennifer’s this past weekend. Though I am exhausted (waaaaay to little sleep and too much great food !! ), I also returned somewhat revived. It has been a tough few months with my surgery and my dog passing away, and some time with great friends was much needed and welcomed. But it is more than just shopping and great food….’though that is always a blast….I always learn something, usually about myself.

 

There’s is no topic that is out bounds, or off the table. I have the opportunity to think about issues, share my thoughts, concerns, and feelings on any topic and we talk it all out. And we do it for each other. Between Paula and Jenn, there is a great wealth of knowledge and I have always cherished their mentorship and access to their wisdom. Listening to each other, sharing our thoughts on everything from SRS, to relationships, to families, work, friends and yes….make up and clothes….(okay, ya gotta give me that one…..3 women in a room over dinner that ends at 1:30 in the morning??? It’s gonna come up!! ha ha). The opportunity to really take a good look at myself and have others provide their insight is special….and I am thankful for each and every opportunity.

 

“Sisters” are a great thing to have.

 

March 23, 2016

Had an email exchange with my boss last evening, initially to keep her up to date on something I am working on at home while recovering…(“someone” suddenly decided they needed a brief on opening up a partnership in China, and they are leaving tomorrow…sigh…) Anyway, she reported that our Director of Marketing mentioned the other day in a conversation that one of the videographers we use changed from Chris to Christine this past year. She said he was not phased by the transition and was supportive. Now, this may seem quite “vanilla” on the surface, but this person is one of the Department heads that I was not sure about as to what his reaction would be to my coming out. So that was good news for sure. I interact with this person quite a bit, making sure we don’t violate any laws or contracts etc in our marketing content, so it is important for the organization that we keep a good working relationship. So I am now more hopeful that this will continue.

 

Every little bit…..

 

March 17, 2016

Had lunch with my boss yesterday. It was very sweet to offer to come to lunch at my place and bring lunch with her!! Great selection of greek food which we both love! Just a very relaxed conversation. Talked about my recovery, kids, shoes, clothes, holidays, etc. An hour and half later, we realized what time it was and she had to head back to work. Great to have someone so supportive of my transition etc. It was really good to catch up with her. She’s “good people” as my daughter would say. Despite being at home and in “casual mode” (jeans, tops, etc) I managed to pull it together for a pretty good look. Gotta like when you get a “good hair day” and “good makeup day” happen at the same time !!! ; )

 

March 16, 2016

Well, haven’t I just been a lazy sod lately!!!??? I have been neglecting my voice exercises and it is starting to show. Time to get back to “warming” up my voice every morning and setting it for the day. Even though the voice I wake up with is no longer my “male voice”, it has slipped a bit, so time to get back on the horse and whip that into shape!!

 

It is constantly amazing how this is some much the accumulation of small things to make one big thing, the authentic me. Big time “gestalts” thing going on here…..

 

March 14, 2016

Life is interesting…just when you think you are starting to get your feet back underneath you (in my case, quite literally), something else is thrown in your path. Today, I lost my very best friend of 15 years. She was always glad to see me, seemed to know when I needed a nudge or just some companionship. And always…always made me smile. Well today, she past away. We were there for each other, and watched each other “grow up” so to speak. And since I have been on my own for the past year, she was my go to friend. Okay, so she was my 15 year old Yellow Labrador Retriever, Abby…Abigail when she was in trouble….but none the less, my very true friend. I loved her and miss her like crazy.

 

The house is now very quite without her. It is going to take quite a while to get used to it. I swear I see her out of the corner of my eye, lying on her bed, waiting for me to give her a rub, or take her outside for a “sniff and explore”. It has been a very lonely day. I know she is in a better place, and I will be okay, it’s just….well…it’s just hard. No eye make up today. And it’s not like I haven’t had a lot on my plate the past little while. Lost my marriage, had open heart surgery and now this, and, oh, ya….all the while, smack dab in the middle of transitioning. The trials and tribulations we all face.

 

Rest in Peace Abby…I miss you so much.

 

March 13, 2016

My sister has been visiting me for the past week and we been a having a blast!! So sad she is leaving tomorrow. Since I am not able to drive yet, she has been driving me to my appointments and joining me in appointments, so she has met my electro tech and aesthetician, and my style consultant. We have been clothes shopping, groceries, out for dinner, walks, cooked and ate waaaaay to much food and watched trashy TV….it has been a real lift for me. It has been a real girls week. My oldest daughter was also down for the weekend, so the three of us had a great time!! We also went through my closet and went through everything to see what to keep and what to pitch with respect to colour and style for me etc. Turns out, 80% of my clothes were perfect for me! Who knew….cuz I bought all of them prior to working with my style consultant. So, it turns out my fashion sense is not as bad as I thought, so bonus for me. And we are the same size for some things, so she was trying on lots of my stuff….just sister stuff, tons of fun!!

 

So good to have a tight relationship with your family….something special between sisters…

 

March 8, 2016

Okay, so I am mildly annoyed with my Dad, which is nothing new. Last year, I asked him flat out if they had a girl’s name picked out if I was born a girl. He said “Nope”. Okay, I thought, lets continue with Erin and go with that. Last night, my sister and I were talking, and that conversation came up, and without batting an eye or any hesitation, she said, “oh, no….it was going to be Leeann”. I was shocked. And I love the name!! So we then chatted for a bit then, and again this morning about what do to. She said that everyone has Erin ingrained in their brain and really like it and find it suits me. So we talked about changing my middle name to that.

 

I am still thinking about it. I am for sure going to have Leeann as my middle name. But I have also become really used to, and attached to “Erin” just as my family, friends and colleagues. I haven’t processed my official name change application, that is on my list to do in a couple of weeks. If my Dad just could have told me the truth (for a change), it would have saved a lot of grief. But I am starting to settle down and be comfortable with Erin Leeann. So, I think I am going to go with that. Maybe, I think, perhaps??? Sigh….I don’t know!!!

 

March 3, 2016

Finally got out of the house today…able to run an errand. Went to get me hair done. Feels soooo much better. And they are great at my hair place. They are always happy to see me, hugs all round and extremely welcoming and friendly. Now, I know, I am a paying client, and they probably do with a lot of their clientele, but hey, I’l take it!! Have two main stylists I deal with, one is the owner, the other a woman who has been there a long time and also has “worked on me”. They both have watched my progression over the past year and today they both said how great I look and are amazed at the changes. So, definitely a boost for the ol’ ego!! I am not their only trans client as I know of at least two other women who go there and there a few others that I don’t know that they mention as well, so they have some experiences to fall back on, hence why I go there. Every little bit helps!!

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