August 31, 2016
Ugh. Totally swamped at work….not sure how this happened as it is not even by busy time, which starts next week. So much for a three day weekend????!!! sigh. And it’s rainy day, hair has a mind of its own….all n all, not a particularly happy camper…..But at least none of this has to do with being trans, so that’s a good thing! Welcome to a normal life…..such as it is.
August 29, 2016
had a wonderful weekend! Went to Toronto to see my two girls. Had soooo much fun. Went shopping with my youngest Saturday afternoon/evening. We had a hoot….tried on all sorts of cloths, oohed and awed or burst out laughing, depending on how the cloths fit, etc. We each came away with garment bags full of stuff. How fun is that! We hit all the usual haunts, J Crew, Brooks Brothers, Banana Republic, Kate Spade, Burberry, etc, etc. I drew the line at Louis Vitton and Tiffany’s…ha ha. Wonderful lunch and dinner, and just enjoyed each other’s company. She never missed a beat with respect to pronouns and she told me she was so relieved and way less concerned for me when she saw how I was received by everyone. They all thought we were mother and daughter. So it was good for her to experience that. And for her to carve out that much time for me meant a lot, as she is in the throws of a big case (but then again, she always is, so she is getting used to that). Just good parent/child time.
Sunday was with my oldest daughter. She wasn’t feeling very well, some type of reaction while she was at the cottage, and while we did manage to have lunch together, we did not shop, so that will be a later trip. Just happy, happy, happy to be with my girls!!!
August 24, 2016
A few interesting conversations yesterday with some friends, including over dinner….
I have come to the realization that the last thing I need are more cheerleaders. Don’t get me wrong, having a cheerleader on your team is great. I have that in spades with my daughters and family and it is super to have such a deep level of support! On the other hand, I need people that will hold my feet to the fire, tell me when I am being stupid, when something doesn’t look good, and just overall, tell me to get over myself and move on!!! Stop fishing for compliments, be more confident, you wanna loose weight, then do something about it or shut up. And not just reduce calories or exercise more, which often leads to nowhere, but speak to nutritionists and trainers to get expert help and make sure it is the right exercise and right diet for goals and metabolism, etc.
When you are used to see regular changes (for the better), and now, post transition, things have slowed down and not as noticeable, you feel like there a very few reasons anymore to be doing a happy dance on a regular basis. Ya know what??? Welcome to real life. My life is now becoming more about just resuming a normal life, albeit a new and wonderful normal, but normal. All the hoop-la leading up to transition and during transition is gone. Now, it’s time to settle in. So the message was, shut up and enjoy your new life….that’s what you have wanted all along isn’t it???? So ya, a reality check every now and again is a good thing.
It was a shot in the head, but in retrospect, much needed. Big thanks to them…..
August 23, 2016,
Ugh…..photos are now coming in from event last week….Why do I even look at photos….they are such a blow to self esteem. Ugh. Oh well, just gives me more incentive to work even harder at losing weight and toning up….
August 21, 2016
It has been an interesting end of the week…..
Thursday was awesome….was asked to MC a major event, 4 hours, on stage at a major performance venue in my city. Packed audience and streaming around the world. It was sooo much fun! Had a great dress, felt good and very confident. Everything went off without a hitch. Had a great chat with our mayor at the break etc. Was told be all my colleagues at the end that I did a superb job. What’s not to like, right. Oh, but wait…..there’s more…..as the saying goes.
Friday morning?? Totally different story. At a meeting with the same colleagues as the night before about another completely different matter. Totally got thrown under the bus by the same colleagues that were extolling my virtues just 12 hours previous! I sorta of had an idea that was going to happen. Spoke with a senior colleague (a VP) of mine also involved in the project just prior to, so I had a feeling that was going to happen. And sadly, I wasn’t wrong. So I rolled with it, took the hit for the VP, who was somewhat supportive in the meeting. At the end of the meeting….I didn’t hang around, left to go back to my office, and sad to say, had a bit of a cry. Don’t know why really. I know that I am exhausted, so that definitely had something to do with it. The VP came into my office on the way back to her office (she’s next door to me) to check on me. I told her I as fine. (managed to get a hold of myself just prior to her coming in). She subsequently called me into her office before I left at noon for the day (theoretically I was on holidays last week….sigh….but that is story for another day…). She said that it was going to be fine, I was fine in her eyes, and thanked me for taking the hit, and promised that its all done, time to move forward and they want my help to do that. I said, okay, if that’s what needs to be done for the good of the project, then I’m in. I then left and had a very quiet rest of the day, just sticking to myself. Then the block party Saturday night we had with all my neighbours to watch the final concert of The Tragically Hip was totally amazing. We had such a good time…singing and dancing to all the tunes in a back yard while the concert was playing live on an 8 foot screen. BBQ were sizzling, coolers that were full were soon empty, etc….you know the drill….
So it’s been an up and down type of ride the past three days. But I am done with it. No talking about it, no reliving it….just moving on, chalking up everything to experience and learning and growing from each event…….
August 9, 2016
I was asked to attend a focus group that took place last evening that was hosted by the Province of Ontario Legal Aid Society. They wanted to get information and any and all aspects of access to legal counsel and the justice system for Trans people. This included perceived and actual barriers, what is working and what is not etc. The leader of the focus group was a transwoman who is a lawyer that works for one of the branches of Legal Aid and they got funding for the study from the province and the Law Society. It was a very interesting 3 hour discussion. The report with the findings should be an interesting read. Glad I was able to go!
August 8, 2016
This past weekend was a meeting of one of the Boards I volunteer on. It was at a nearby resort, Friday evening and all day Saturday. It was great to see everyone in person, as many were able to fly in to participate in person, vs via Skype, as is the case most of the time. I received a very warm welcome from all, hugs all around! We got a lot done and everyone enjoyed the company and the facilities. As Past Chair of the Board, my duties we greatly limited, which was a bonus! Although, there is a movement to get me back into that position, of which there is no chance, so good luck to them on that! Ha ha!
But is was great to be among such a distinguished group of accepting people!! They are out there!
August 4, 2016
Had a super enjoyable dinner the other evening with my ex. She contacted me late last week stating that she wanted to stop in after work sometime to “catch up”. I was more than pleased to take her up on that, and offered to make dinner as it was the end of the day, and thought that a BBQ would be nice and given that my south patio is in the shade that time of day, it would be pleasant. She was very happy to do that. Anyway…..she shows up, I am just home from work and was teaching that day, so a little bit more professional attire. Keeping in mind this was the first time she was going to “see me”. She has seen a few photos, but never seen me in person. Once she arrived we chatted for a few moments figured out where we were going to eat, agreed the south patio was best. She went about helping to take things outside, while I zipped upstairs to change into shorts and Tee. The evening went swimmingly! No strain in conversation. We talked about all sorts of stuff, but nothing “heavy”. We talked about her work, my work, her recent cruise holiday, etc, etc. It was a great conversation. Next thing we know, 3 hours of gone by and time for her to head home.
So, that is a really good first step to establishing what I hope will be a strong friendship. But we will see. I am letting her pick the how/where/when so as to let her go at this at her own pace. Patience. But now, at least I am hopeful. It was a really great start!
August 3, 2016
Had the opportunity to work with a colleague that I don’t see very often. (boss is away, and we have an issue with one of our partners in China, so I was tasked yesterday to make sure it gets resolved – so was helping this colleague out…but I digress…)
We haven’t talked much lately and so she was asking how I was doing personally etc, so we got into that. Long story short, turns our she has a trans son! He has been on HRT for less than a year, but she says the Testosterone is already working its magic, which in this case, is a good thing. She is super supportive of her 21 year old son, so we had a really good chat about that.
Just another case of “you really don’t know what other people are going through….”……
Be kind to everyone and treat them with gentle hands…we have no idea what challenges individuals are dealing with….
August 2, 2016
Interesting experience today….taught a 3 hour class of Students from Saudi Arabia, who just arrived in Canada this weekend. They are here for 4 months as part of an MBA program. All males (go figure)…They are all new students, so never new the “old me”. I was somewhat anxious, given the status of Trans people in their country. However, as they didn’t know me, they had no prior history. I was hoping they would never “clock me”, but realized that even if they did, there is nothing they could have done about it, as they are “not in Kansas” anymore. Our country, our rules. But, there were no issues, It would appear that they never “figured me out” so to speak, so I pulled it of. Was a good litmus test….