Continuing on the theme of my post yesterday, I sit here on the train once again, on my way home. The event and indeed the trip was a success on many fronts. But why am I fighting back tears then? I know exactly why. If you are that bored, read on.
I spent last evening with a dear friend of mine whom I haven’t seen for quite sometime. We went to dinner, chatted for a few hours then decided to catch the last of the pride events. It was fun and actually energizing!
Today was really good! Watched my youngest daughter get her parchments in recognition of being called to the bar. Had a great lunch at one of the top restaurants in Toronto, and had a good chance to catch up with my two girls. All good. Then, not so much. You see, no else wanted me in the photos, so I took my own with my two girls (see attached). Which was awesome. Then I saw the photo of my girls on Facebook with everyone else and that’s when I lost it.
To look at that photo of my girls with my ex and my in laws (their grand parents) and know that you are not welcome is completely devastating. I thought I was going to be fine with the whole “don’t talk to us” thing. But I wasn’t. I’m not. They got their wish. They won. Makes me the loser. A loser.
Well, I’m done. I’m done with them. I’m tired of the flow of information and olive branch offerings only going one way. From me to them. My psyche can’t deal with it any longer. So in order to take care of me, I’m done being the one reaching out. Up to them to reach out to me. And since that will never happen, I’m done.
I hate it. It super sucks. And I might change my mind later. But for now?