Last evening I had the rare opportunity to speak with my ex. It was about an upcoming celebration for our youngest daughter. She is getting called to the bar at the young age of 25! Following in my footsteps to a degree, just graduated from law school waaay younger than I did. But I digress.
The call had to do with the “rules of engagement” (my words, not hers) at the event. My ex will be with her parents. I was informed last night that I am not to approach them at anytime under any circumstances. She is not sure how her father will react to me, but any reaction will not be a good one. So to avoid “a scene”, I’m not to incite him by speaking to them. Seriously!!??
OMG. I was so pissed and I am still angry, frustrated and even a little sad. Everyone needs to get over themselves!! This event has nothing…NOTHING…to do with anyone accept my daughter. And they don’t think he can control himself enough to not make a scene?!?!? Ridiculous. So much for adults in the room. Holy crap. I mean really. REALLY??? Just because he’s being an idiot, it’s up to me to be the adult in charge and I have to modify my behaviour because he can’t control himself??!! All because I am living an authentic life, having transitioned. Is it just me, or is that just a little bit insane?
So my daughter will be called up on stage after taking her oath, to receive her Bar License, and will look out into the audience and see that her parents are not sitting together because they don’t feel they can be civil for 90 minutes?? WTF?!?! I am so…overwhelmed…angry…sad…I’m actually in tears right now. This is somehow all my fault?!? No… NO. It isn’t. This is totally on them, and in particular on him. This has absolutely nothing to do with me, but somehow I’m the one making all the concessions?
I was a bit abrupt with her last night and did say everyone needs to get over themselves. That didn’t go over particularly well. I also said that her parents don’t have to talk to me or even look at me. They can even sneer at me if they like. I’m a big girl and can take care of myself. She actually laughed at that. My self esteem and sense of self worth are in no way impacted by what people think of me. I know who I am. I am proud of who I am. I’m good. This is their issue.
Now, to be a bit far, I know this was a difficult conversation for her to have. She is extremely uncomfortable speaking to me, hates conflict and this was a difficult thing for her to do and a hard conversation for her to have. But at least she did it.