Okay, okay, I know….I know. Yes, that is somewhat rhetorical. Settle down everyone and stop snickering!
Yesterday came and went without any fanfare, hoop-la or fête. Perfect. In fact, I didn’t even realize it was anything special, because, really, it wasn’t. At least, not to me. It was actually a co-worker that brought it up in a conversation. We were chatting about stuff, you know the usual, summer outfits, hair styles, solving the problems of the world, etc, etc, etc. when she suddenly realized that it was exactly one year since I “came out” at work and went full time. Another person in the conversation asked if it had only been a year…?? No one believed that it was only a year. Including me.
I am so entrenched in just being me, that I have no desire or ability to see myself as the “old me”. It doesn’t register anymore. I feel like I have been Erin my entire life. As for the one year thing. Whatever. Don’t care. Not significant. The only thing that I celebrate is that I get to live my life everyday. The other stuff? Meh…
For some people in my community, it’s a big deal. And that’s fine. If, for them, that matters to them, that is awesome. Just not for me. It’s like other alleged milestones. Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh….I say alleged, because they aren’t for me. But for some they are, and I don’t mean to belittle that. If that is what is important to you, then I’m happy for you. Me? Not so much. Like the whole name change thing. I got my change of name document from the province, and the only thing I felt was relief. Relief that it finally came and I could start to change all my other documents. I opened the envelope, saw what it was, checked that box on my mental checklist that it was done and filed it away. No dancing in the kitchen, no tears of joy, etc. It was just one more thing I needed to do.
The same thing for drivers license, health card, etc, etc, etc. Same thing for birth certificate. Check, done. Passport, check. Not a big deal for me. Just means I continue to live my life as who I am. None of those things determine who I am. I am me, regardless. Sure, it makes life easier, don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that it is done, but only because I needed to get them done and all the hassle is over. That’s what I saw it as….a necessary evil, a pain in the ass. Not an affirmation of who I am.
There are many that post entries on social media that they have a new birthday, the day they receive the correct version of their birth certificate. What do I say to them? Happy Birthday! If it has that impact and emotion for you, awesome. I am thrilled for you and happy to celebrate, pass me a piece of cake. For me? Nope. My birthday is my birthday. That is when I was born. That is when Erin was born. I was always Erin, who I am. Just took me a while to repair a birth defect.
Right or wrong, that is how I view it. This journey is a very personal experience. Everyone has a different reaction, feelings, emotions etc. This is mine. For others, completely different. And that is perfect! However, don’t kringle your nose or shake your head at me when I appear to be indifferent to it all and not share the same reaction you had for all of this. To me, they are just pieces of paper that society needs me to have to function.
I may be weird, go ahead and snicker 😉 I know who I am thank you very much.