Lately, I have had a few discussions regarding the topic of transitioning vs transitioned with both Cis and trans people. Always an interesting conversation for sure. What I find fascinating is that CIS people I spoke with had less of a “hang up” with it than the trans people I was chatting with. Here’s what I mean.
CIS people always have great questions for me about my transition, how long it takes, what it’s like, etc. Very typical and understandable. One question of course, is “when is it finished, or complete?” Well, of course, the answer to that is quite varied depending upon the person. As I have always maintained, and many believe, everyone’s journey is different, both in path and destination. For me, personally? I consider myself to be “Transitioned”. It is not ongoing. For me, I’m done, so to speak. That is not to say that certain things will not continue to change, such as my self confidence in such things as my appearance or voice, but that is in my head.
I’m living full time as my authentic self, ID has been change, legal stuff is done, etc, etc, etc. No issues at work, friends, colleagues, neighbours, out running errands, etc etc etc. So I tell them that I have completed my transition. They all reply, “of course you have, you are you”. So they have no issues.
What I find interesting is that is not always the case within the trans community. I get such comments as, “you’re not done yet, you haven’t had X surgery, or Y procedure” etc etc. Or the one that really gets my fur up, “your voice is not feminine enough”. According to who?? It seems, at times, we (as a community) can be our own worst enemy. Or even better, CIS people (women in particular) who are in a relationship or have a family member who is a transwoman, who compare me to that person.
Now, as I have always maintained, people are entitled to their opinion, and my self esteem is not even remotely attached to what others think of me. But it is fascinating. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe no one else experiences any of this. Good for them. So perhaps, the world is picking on me. Whatever. But I try not to let it bother me. I won’t let others drag me down. It’s just interesting.
Maybe I just need to get a life and get out more??!!! 😉