There are several answers to this depending on your outlook on life. “As you feel”, or “as you think” are probably the two that are most verbalized. Well right now I feel as old as I am. I’m close to 60. Much closer than I would like to admit. But such is life.
And these days, I feel everyday of that. I tire quickly relative to those younger than me and recovery time from long days ain’t what it used to be! It sucks. No other way to describe it.
I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it all. As you may recall, I am also battling a cold that just seems to really be enjoying the view from inside my head. Can’t seem to shake it. This is one of those times when I was reminded by a close friend, that I need to slow down, I’m not really 100% yet. I was actually somewhat taken aback by that statement. Of course I’m 100%! Back to regular office yours, teaching load, consulting and guest speaker gigs etc.
“And how’s that working for you?” She asked me. “Well, I seem to have this cold that just won’t go away and I’m tired, a lot..,”.
I was met with a scowling stare. “Exactly! Not what I would call 100%”.
“Ya, well, that’s just this time”.
“It’s been all the time. And that’s the point. You need more time.”
Time? For what? From what? I thought to myself. And that’s where I should have stopped. But oh no, not this chickie. “From what?” I walked right into that one.
“Seriously?? …Seriously!!!” I won’t continue to recall the exact conversation. Suffice to say I was smacked up side the head figuratively speaking. Here the jist of it.
She reminded me of how life altering events impact us both mentally and physically. One is bad enough. Two is not good. And depending on the time frame relative to each event, effects can be cumulative. Her points were all valid. And after a quick review of my recent history it became abundantly clear she was right. I do need more time. I’m not there yet.
For those of you that don’t know me or haven’t heard my story, I had not one, not two, but three significant life events all within the past year and all within 6 months of each other. I required life saving (literally) open heart surgery, got divorced, and transitioned all within that six month period. Not the best plan.
Several shocks to my system and psyche. Each requiring different plans for recovery, layered over each other. The outcome in the end for all is good, but am I there yet? Don’t know, especially when I may not even know where “there” is.
So, she may be right. Maybe I do need more time. More time to just chill, be at home, in my own familiar surroundings. Take care of me for a change. I thought I had given myself enough time. But clearly, that is not the case. Even for just one of those events, it’s not been enough time. Let alone three!! And, transitioning really does wack your system. Physically your body is changing and you are constantly adapting to the new you, so to speak. Mentally it can be exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. It’s a tough journey. You need time.
I am always telling people that I speak to, to give themselves the gift of time. Don’t push, be gentle with yourself. I guess it’s time to listen to my own words. It doesn’t mean that I am going to completely cocoon, that won’t happen. Just need to be more sensible with my scheduling. No back to back events etc. At least not for a little while. Just a bit more time in the slow lane.
As Carol King sings “it’s going to take some time, this time.”