And so it begins. The first conversation with my family regarding gender confirmation surgery has taken place. My oldest daughter was the first. It was a good conversation, and I’m sure it will continue. To her credit, she is very happy for me and wants to know how I feel about it. While she understands it on one level, she doesn’t on another. You see for her, it really doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change how I look to her, or who I am to her. I’m her dad, always will be, full stop. I am also a woman. Full stop. So it is not important to her that I have the surgery. But it is important to her if it is going to make me feel better and end my battle with gender dysphoria once and for all. Smart kid !!
Next up will be my youngest duaughter. That is going to be a tougher conversation. I have no idea how she is going to react. That one scares me a little. We haven’t talked much at all about my transition in general. That kinda sucks. But I will just have to cross the bridge when I come to it.
And then there’s my ex. I have no idea what to do. We have not spoken about my transition or being transgendered at all. Though I’m pretty sure she hates the whole idea. But then again, I’m just guessing. So I’m not sure if I will even tell her. All indications are that she doesn’t care the least little bit about how I’m doing. Never asks. Never wants to talk about it more than the usually, “Hi, how you doin’? ” So conversations with those two will be interesting.
And that brings up a super frustrating thing for me. Why are people afraid to have conversations about things? What is so wrong with talking about things? To me that is really the only way to bring understanding and/or clarity to a situation. Is it uncomfortable? Awkward? Stressful? Maybe. But isn’t trying to work through something with no first hand information worse? A really good conversation is the classic example of short term pain for long term gain. A difficult conversation provides an opportunity to see where a persons is at in their thinking, and what information is lacking. To have a dialogue that can final in gaps in understanding by asking for first hand information. Why is that scary?
Unless your are afraid of the answer, afraid that you will understand, when all you want to be is mad and upset, almost hateful towards the other person, which in this case, would be me? Who knows ? But I can’t read minds, so I can’t help if people don’t want my help. I’m pretty sure I have information that would serve them in a few ways including providing accurate information as to how the whole process is working for me, and have first hand accurate info on how I am dealing with it. It makes me sad because it is all so unnecessary.
I just wish people would talk to me.