I had my quarterly check in visit with my therapist the other day, which are always great. I really look forward to chatting with her about “stuff”. While it is great to see her, it is nice to be on a three month schedule versus every month (or week) as it used to be when things were really rough. But I do miss her, she has become a great ally and friend over the past 19 years. (yes 19 years, but more on that another time)

We spoke about so many different things and how they impact me (or not) and how I react to them (or not)…it was a real buffet of topics. But each topic brought up a different aspect of who I am. Which all lead me to think about who I am and what makes me, well, me. And that’s when the whole gestalt thing popped into my brain.

I, like everyone, have so many different facets that make me who I am. Different traits and personality characteristics. And it’s all well and good to try to speak of them or view them as isolated pieces, but in fact they are not. It would be impossible, at least for me, to put them in silos. And there are so many silos. I see so many of them now, unlike the past. Because now I see all the good things about me, there are so many silos. Whereas in the past, I could only see the bad things, and they were big, huge, ugly silos, with barbed wire around them.

But that is now in the past. And I am almost at the point where I don’t think of the individual silos anymore. Oh sure, there are still some things I would like to work on, and there probably will be for as long as I live. But what is life without challenge? Now, I pretty much just see me, as me. When I look in the mirror I don’t see separate characteristics of my face or body, I just see me. I don’t over think why I do what I do, I just do it. It is who I am. Every thought and behaviour comes from my core. Oh sure, I am sure they get filtered etc, but I don’t have to think about it anymore.

I am more than just the total of various characteristics, emotions, and thoughts. They some how come together to create more than that. And while I am just “little ol’ me” I am bigger than the single attributes. Like a television set, you can break down the parts, but when it’s all together, it is more that just what those parts can do, produce a picture and sound. It can bring people together, make them laugh, cry, feel sad, hopeful. Just more.

Gestalt…the outcome is greater than the sum of the parts. I am more than just the sum of my parts and characteristics. I am slowly finding my true reflection….the whole person, the whole me.

And I like what I see.

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