During a break in my lecture last night, I had the chance to stop into the office that was open late to chat and catch up with a few friends. Conversation was typical girl talk, family, clothes and looking forward to getting home and into jammies etc, etc etc. This all reminded me of an ongoing conversation I had over the weekend regarding being transgendered and acceptance. I will concede at the outset that “acceptance” is somewhat of a nebulous term in that it can mean slightly different things to different people. So I am not going to debate that at this point. Let’s just stick with the general construct shall we? 😉
For me, and many of my ilk, we don’t think too much about how or why we are “accepted” by others. Personally? As long as I am treated with dignity and respect by both those that know I am transgendered and those that don’t, I’m good. Whether they see me as a woman, or “accept” me, is, for the most part, irrelevant. And I say “for the most part” because, well, I admit, that I would love for the world to see me as just another woman.
But honestly, I have no idea if that is the case. Sure, I use the women’s washrooms everywhere I go with no issue. I use the women’s change room at the gym I go to, with no issues. And there are women there that know I am trans. Here’s the thing. I have no idea if they have no issues because they see me as just another female and treat/view me the same as any other female, OR, if they accept me as a transgendered woman, and get what that means and don’t care. Unless I ask, I, for whatever reason, can’t be 100% certain, which one.
At the end of the day, for me, it doesn’t matter, really. I just want to live my life, do my job, contribute to my community, and be the best parent I can be to my two awesome daughters. I am fortunate that I have not had any issues, none, zero, nadda, with anyone in my sphere of influence/contact since coming out. And I never, ever, get misgendered. So maybe that gives me the luxury of having the point of view I have. Don’t know. All I know is that I am going to be who I really am, and be the very best “me” I can be.
I will never be fully a female, which is defined by physical sex assigned at birth. I have made peace with that. Do I wish I was born congruent, i.e. female and a woman, of course I do. But I can’t change that, so what is the point stewing about it? I am 100% woman as a gender, also determined at birth. Many have a hard time distinguishing between the two. So that is my job, dare I say, my crusade, to educate those that will listen when the opportunity presents itself, such as when I have been invited by groups to speak about it.
I am who I am, who I am. And ya know, I’m okay with that. I move on.