For some reason, I am feeling, well….somewhat…philosophical. On this of all days, you would think I would be in a more romantic mood?? But alas, I am not. My past won’t let me go there. At least, not yet.
My thoughts go to my past…what can be best described as my “former life” for lack of a better term. I am single again. After 32 years. I have been single, i.e. divorced for the past year and a half. For some, that may be plenty of time. But not for me. Not yet. Someday, but not now.
My thoughts go to what I would “normally” be doing today. With my wife. Now, I don’t want to create any false impressions. I was not the most romantic person, particularly near the end of the relationship. It is hard to love someone else when you don’t love yourself. But that’s a post for another day.
What I am trying to tell myself is that I need to let go of my past so that I can move forward. I know in my trans community, we all certainly have a past. And for the vast majority of us, it was a train wreck, emotionally. So much so, many of us didn’t make it. And for those of us that did, well, it wasn’t the most pleasant of rides. We made it, but not without the bruises and scars left after the battles. And unfortunately, that is still the case today for those that are still on their journey.
I know it is much easier said than done. But we have to give ourselves permission to let go. So many others tell us to do it, but until we convince ourselves, we won’t. So this is me telling myself to:
Make peace with my past so it won’t disturb my future.