For the first time in quite a while, I had a really crappy sleep. Not sure why. Well, sort of. Not sure why my brain went where it did, but do know why I had a hard time sleeping. You see, every now and again, my brain goes for a walk without an adult in charge. Now, for those of you that know me, that is not a great surprise! Last night was one of those nights. So, what was going on?? Well since you asked….
For some reason, I got caught up in how much I hurt my ex during my transition. Now, to be fair to me, it wasn’t really a surprise and she made her feelings quite well known was I was officially diagnosed 18 years ago. So she has had a looong time to prepare. That being sad, I still can’t help feeling that I was a disappointment to her, and hurt her in the end. That is not something that is easy to live with, at least, not for me. So the inner battle continues.
For those of you who think this is easy, that transitioning is selfish and being transgender is not a big deal… Well, you’re flat out wrong and/or in serious denial ! You give up a lot…I mean A LOT when you decide to survive and be you’re authentic self, who you were meant to be. It’s a tough road, not for the feint of heart. But for me, to still be here, to be living my life out loud, to be true to who I am…..I willing pay the price. I may be alone for the rest of my life, but it will be MY LIFE. So there!
And on a side note, just for giggles, I had to get up super early to get to the blood clinic to have blood work done. (I have my usual 6 month check up with my endocrinologist next week.) So today is going to be a very long day!!
Thanks for listening….